The Grapeseed Pisser VS Cow and Chicken

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed during a bench trial? Dramatics? Wild statements? How about... chickens?

Twinsta was recently flooded with photos of some plucky poultry attending a bench trial, and not by accident or for amusement during recess. They were witnesses to some 'fowl' play and took to the stands to testify with Lieutenant Deputy Harold StockHeard Well of the Grapeseed Sheriff's Department acting as translator.

Photo posted by @RileyReads on Twinsta

But what could have led to such witnesses to be called? What was the bench trial even about? Listening to the testimonies during the trial painted a shocking picture depicting high speed chases, adrenaline pumping action and violent events no one could have surely predicted. Who could be the subject of such a painting? One, Hannah Mahmoud, a.k.a, The Grapeseed Pisser.

Hannah, though charged with a number of crimes, including attempted murder and being a prime suspect in another murder case, was at the bench trial that day in an attempt to clear her name of two charges she pleaded not guilty to.

These charges (Vandalism of Government Property and Animal Cruelty), are enough for the room to take stock of the events that led to her being at the stand that day via witness testimonies of both chicken and human alike.

It all starts with a cow.

Lieutenant Deputy Harold had discovered a grim cow carcass on a dirt road near the GSD. Blood both on and around the deceased cow; you can imagine the shock and horror that was felt to stumble on such a scene. There has been a rise in violence inflicted upon animals (stumbled on any dead dogs in the street lately?), yet this was unusual. Who would do this to an innocent cow? The Sheriff’s Department had been recently dealing with a menace causing strife around Grapeseed, the department building itself had been covered in toilet paper and there had been a tragic murder of a local farmer that the community was still reeling from. 

With all that weighing on Lieutenant Deputy Harold’s mind, perhaps it was serendipity that he would be drawn into a high speed chase involving Hannah Mahmoud. She had been a person of interest in connection with the murder, having apparently made comments and leaving a note mentioning the deceased. The chase roared ferociously down roads, over wooded terrain and hills, eventually ending with Hannah’s vehicle, filled with toilet paper, rolling over and surrounded with deputies ready for the arrest.

The Grapeseed Pisser, was not ready to give up and made a run for a nearby farm, hiding in one of the barns... laying in wait. Lieutenant Deputy Harold then drew his gun, threats of violent resistance being declared by the criminal and was forced to shoot when Hannah took a bat and attacked Senior Lead Deputy Riley, injuring her face and sending her to the floor. Lieutenant Deputy Harold took the shot, hitting The Grapeseed Pisser in the neck. If this was a scene from an action movie, you would be at the edge of your seat.

I hope you have some popcorn, because this was only the first act.

With EMS called and the injured stabilized, Lieutenant Deputy Harold said in his testimony that he took that opportunity to retrieve DNA samples from Hannah and sure enough, a short time after a connection was made to blood found at the scene of both the murder and near the body of the cow, as confirmed by veterinarians that aided with the investigation. GSD was having quite the day, surely one that Grapeseed would remember for quite some time. Continuing his testimony, the Lieutenant said once Hannah was fit to move into a cell, things took a turn for the strange. 

Small talk between the two was interrupted by Hannah punching through her cell window, hitting one of the veterinarians at the scene, glass shattering. Following this, the Grapeseed Pisser... needed to piss. Go figure, right? Being a gentleman, the Lieutenant naturally had turned his back to Hannah’s cell to give her some privacy when a struggle and screams of pain sent him spinning right around to witness more acts of violence, as Hannah took a shard of glass and attacked farmer Merv through the broken window.

This is when the chickens come into play. It was made clear during the bench trial that the chickens were let into the cell by Lieutenant Deputy Harold himself, and the clever cluckers took a swift dislike to Hannah, pecking away at her. Knowing that she was suspected of killing the cow did not stop her from hitting the chickens back. This tussle impassioned the chickens, becoming determined to see justice served. Though slightly traumatized from their experience, those birds bravely attended trial.

Hannah admitted to many of the charges, so in the end Judge Dupres gave a quick verdict to wrap up one of the most bizarre trials of recent Los Santos history. For the charge ‘Animal Cruelty x3’ - There was no weapon found or submitted to evidence that matched the injuries that killed the cow. Yes, Hannah’s blood was discovered near the cow, though Hannah testified the cow had attacked her first and she had fled. With no solid evidence, she could not be blamed for the cow’s death. Concerning the chickens, because they were let into her cell, Hannah was acting in self defense it was determind. The verdict, not guilty. For the charge ‘Vandalism of Government Property’ - In the spirit of the law, toilet papering and causing damage to the GSD does fit the charge and the Judge would not accept Hannah’s protests in contrary to this verdict. The Judge declared Hannah guilty.

It is assumed the charges The Grapeseed Pisser is guilty of will be dealt with at a future, formal trial. So keep your eyes open for further news on how this tale ends.

At this point, you might be asking. What drives a person to such acts? Why the cow, why the violence, why the piss? When questioned on the stand, Hannah insisted that the toilet rolling was her way of ‘peacefully protesting’ against the police and deputies of both Los Santos and Grapeseed. However, why resort to extreme acts of violence and attempted murder (and alleged actual murder) around Grapeseed? What is the motivation for the alleged killings and reign of terror? What does Hannah Mahmoud feel or get out of this? Hatred? The thrill? Infamousy? Humans can be such a mystery. If only we knew what the cow saw in her last moments. If only we had the integrity of our feathered, egg-laying friends.

At least a few positive things have come to light in the aftermath.

It’s possible to directly speak to and translate ‘chicken’ into human language. Both farmer Merv and Lead Deputy Riley are recovering well, and finally, Lieutenant Deputy Harold now holds the record for the longest testimony in a Los Santos court.