Mismatched bedroom magic

Question:

"hey doc my girlfriend dont want to do some things in the bed room even when i do alot of things what should i do?" - 69

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Answer:

Dear 69,

if you find yourself in a sexually mismatched relationship, it can be a bit more of a challenge to feel sexually fulfilled. It is often the case that one person differs from the other person in a relationship when it comes to things like sex drive, intimacy needs and romantic expression. So, first and foremost this is quite normal and is something one has to discuss with one's partner(s).

However, sex in a relationship is not transactional. One shouldn’t use sex as a favor, as a tool nor as a bargain when in a romantic relationship. If your partner doesn't want to do something in the bedroom, don’t try to withhold that which you are comfortable and happy to do, as a punishment for them not wanting to do something.

We’re all different sexually and we can’t expect our sexual partners to always want to do what we’d like them to do. Approach this subject with them outside of the bedroom and tell them that you understand that they might not be comfortable with doing certain things, and that it is okay. If we truly love someone, we would be fine with them having different boundaries.

Ask yourself, “do I want to be in a relationship where I do not feel sexually fulfilled?”. If you feel that you need to be able to be 100% sexually fulfilled and can’t stand to be in a relationship where you are maybe 80-90% fulfilled, then it’s alright to leave the relationship. 

If at any point you start to compare what you do in the bedroom versus what they do, resentment might start to build, which is never a  good thing in a relationship.

Remember, a satisfying sex life can make a bad relationship last for a long time, but an unfulfilling sex life cannot save a a good relationship in the end.

Warm regards,

Sylvia.